It's been a long time . . .

Yeah yeah, holidays and excuses and whatnot. But even while we were all celebrating Baby Jesus' birth by sending Him some Baby Einstein DVD's, things were happening here, in America. It's almost the new year, which means our new and improved (?) congress will meet soon. Except a bunch of states have no idea who will be their new unelected Senator, for various reasons. Let's take a look at some of them.

• New York With Hill Dawg moving up in the world as Secretary of State, someone has to replace her as political dynasty senator. The names everyone is mentioning are Caroline Kennedy, whose main qualification is her last name, and Andrew Cuomo, who has the same going for him only fewer Americans care enough about his politician father to be outraged. Governor David Patterson has to appoint someone, anybody, just to hold things down for two years until the people can vote some wretched monster into office. It will probably be Cuomo.
  

• Illinois Even though Senate Majority Leader and ten year old girl Harry Reid said he will fight any nominee put forth by corrupt Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, Blago announced today the he will nominate former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to replace Barack Obama in the Senate. He's essentially daring Reid to do something that could be interpreted as racially insensitive (refusing to let a qualified black man take the seat of Obama,) which means Charles was wrong. There IS a race card, and Rod Blagojevich plays it better than anyone. You gotta tip your hat to whitey.

• Delaware Now that Joe Biden is out of the Senate and into the Vice President's chair, where he can do no real harm, the eastern seaboard's most boring state will send Ted Kaufman to Washington to replace him. Kaufman spent 21 years on Biden's staff and is just keeping it warm until Biden's son (and Delaware's attorney general) Beau gets home from Iraq in time for the 2010 elections.

• Colorado Didn't know Colorado was missing a Senator, did you? Nobody does. Current Senator Ken Salazar has been appointed Obama's new Secretary of the Interior, so Governor Bill Ritter has to replace him with someone, we'll say Mike Shanahan. I hear he's looking for work now.

• Minnesota Al Franken has an INSURMOUNTABLE 49 vote lead in the recount that will never go away, even when you try and pretend it isn't there. There's a little over 1,000 absentee ballots left to be counted, unless there's some other meaningless hurdle that we have to get through. Norm Coleman's strategy of "have people stop counting votes" has so far proven to be a failure. No one wins, one side just loses more slowly © Mr. Prezbo.