Blowjobs and Bailouts.

Better Days for Ol' Larry.

Larry Flynt showed he still has a knack for getting publicity for the adult industry out of current events by teaming up with Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild fame to ask the government for a bailout.

Flynt claims the $5 billion request is not a publicity stunt, but this is the same man who coincidentally released a porno called "Who's Nailin Paylin?" during the presidential campaign season and been in front of the U.S. Supreme Court at least three times in his lifetime.

Nobody is taking the request seriously, unless Flynt and Francis bring a convoy of affected employees (i.e. porn stars) to Capitol Hill to "persuade" Congress...expect Flynt to get his money in two weeks.

Detroit is saved (not really)

Not these guys, they're still an abomination

After years of begging, pleading, flying, driving, compromising and being rejected, the Big 3 automakers are FINALLY getting their money from the government. President Bush sidestepped Congress (because cmon, when have they ever mattered) and approved $17.4 billion in immediate loans for GM and Chrysler. Ford will get nothing and like it, because they said they don't need anything right away.

The $17.4 billion, less than half of what the automakers were asking for before, comes with the condition that the Big 3 have to come up with another concrete plan by March 31, or they get no more bailout money and will have to pay back this loan. I don't remember Citi having to jump through these kind of hoops to get approved for $20 billion back in November. Why is that? Oh yeah, car company workers are all unionized, which means they're lizard people communists. Even though the UAW decided to suspend the dreaded jobs bank program, that pays people money after they retire.

Bush's goal on this bailout is to give the Big 3 enough money so they don't die before he leaves office, at which point it will be the black dude's problem anyway, so who cares.

Detroit vs. Washington: Round 2

He was going to take this, but it died halfway out of his driveway

Well, the Big 3 are going back to Washington to ask for $25 billion. Last time, Congress laughed them out of the building. Will this time be any different? Maybe.

Ford CEO Alan Mulally says he actually has a plan this time. Ford will not give any bonuses or pay increases to their salaried employees. In fact, Mulally himself says he will take a $1/year salary next year if Ford does get any bailout money. Also, more hybrid and plug-in cars will be on the way, with a plug-in van scheduled for 2010 and a plug-in car for 2011. General Motors and Chrysler have not yet released their plans, but as Ford is the most profitable of the Big 3, I wouldn't expect the other two to differ much form Ford's plan.

We won't know until later this week whether this is enough to sway a skeptical Congress. Congressional Democrats will really be looking for tough fuel efficiency and environmental standards (which the Big 3 resisted for years) while Congressional Republicans will be hesitant to back any bailout after the earful they caught from their conservative constituents about the Wall Street bailout. But at least Detroit is taking a step in the right direction PR-wise, as Mulally will go to DC not in a private jet, but in a hybrid.

We'll see if this sways aynone.