Congress Goes Muslim

no more bacon for you Congress!

Fresh out of the prison that is the campaign trail, John McCain linked back up with his favorite co-defendent in Sen. Russ Feingold to enlighten their brothas on poison that is pork.

McCain and Feingold announced that they will push for reform on adding earmarks to bills coming out of Capitol Hill.

The same group of people who chastised auto execs for flying to Washington to ask for money approved $188,000 in spending for The Lobster Institute in Maine; $212,000 for fruit fly research in France; and $125,000 for a Mother's Day shrine in West Virginia.

The irony is killing me right now.

This quote by Feingold might be the worst one of the entire article:

"We can't afford this; we simply can't afford it," he said. "And we ridicule it, but we also are saddened by it because it's obvious that at least some members of Congress don't know how serious the fiscal situation we're in is or they would not be making these kinds of proposals."

If Young Jeezy knows it's a recession, how don't elected officials who get paid big bucks to represent us in these matters?

Something to think about this weekend.

Blowjobs and Bailouts.

Better Days for Ol' Larry.

Larry Flynt showed he still has a knack for getting publicity for the adult industry out of current events by teaming up with Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild fame to ask the government for a bailout.

Flynt claims the $5 billion request is not a publicity stunt, but this is the same man who coincidentally released a porno called "Who's Nailin Paylin?" during the presidential campaign season and been in front of the U.S. Supreme Court at least three times in his lifetime.

Nobody is taking the request seriously, unless Flynt and Francis bring a convoy of affected employees (i.e. porn stars) to Capitol Hill to "persuade" Congress...expect Flynt to get his money in two weeks.

Detroit is saved (not really)

Not these guys, they're still an abomination

After years of begging, pleading, flying, driving, compromising and being rejected, the Big 3 automakers are FINALLY getting their money from the government. President Bush sidestepped Congress (because cmon, when have they ever mattered) and approved $17.4 billion in immediate loans for GM and Chrysler. Ford will get nothing and like it, because they said they don't need anything right away.

The $17.4 billion, less than half of what the automakers were asking for before, comes with the condition that the Big 3 have to come up with another concrete plan by March 31, or they get no more bailout money and will have to pay back this loan. I don't remember Citi having to jump through these kind of hoops to get approved for $20 billion back in November. Why is that? Oh yeah, car company workers are all unionized, which means they're lizard people communists. Even though the UAW decided to suspend the dreaded jobs bank program, that pays people money after they retire.

Bush's goal on this bailout is to give the Big 3 enough money so they don't die before he leaves office, at which point it will be the black dude's problem anyway, so who cares.

Janesville: A Bailout Story.

While politicians stall on a bailout plan due to personal differences with the auto industry, a city in Wisconsin will get ready for life after a plant closure.

The GM assembly plant in Janesville, one of the oldest plants in the country, will close in seven days and put its final 1200 workers on the unemployment line right before Christmas.

According to an article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the ripple of the plant closing will send about 9000 jobs crashing with it, with every industry from pizza delivery to day care affected.

Tax revenue will also decrease in the area from people leaving the area in search of new jobs and less spending by the people who stay.

This is a microcosm of what will happen in cities across the country that are homes to auto plants, which normally reside in areas where they are the biggest game in town.

The senators who are holding up the bailout plan because of their own personal grudges with the UAW and the execs from the Detroit Three need to take towns like Janesville into consideration as well while they sit on a six figure check in one of the most meaningless legislative bodies and have the nerve to pass judgement on what somebody else should and shouldn't be doing.

Look who's having a birthday

It's just a rental, I couldn't afford to actually buy a cake

The Recession. According to the National Bureau of Economic Research, our adorable little money-sucking recession is a full year old, as it actually began last December. Has it really been a year since every financial adviser with half a brain was telling me they'd rather castrate themselves than put their clients in a long-term product that tied their money too much to the stock market (these are the conversations you have when you work for a financial services provider?) Time flies.

If you're keeping score, that officially makes this recession #2 during George W Bush's presidency. The first one was from March of 2001 until November 2001. How'd we get out of that one? Oh right, wars and such. The NBER says we can't do that with this recession. We'll have to actually work our way out of it with vague advice on stabilizing the markets and the need to "continue to make progress in housing." So, more bailouts then?

Anyways, what are you getting the Recession for it's birthday?

While You Were Sleeping...

If only it was all a dream.

I hope everybody had some nice dreams last night (except Ty, cuz he's a Vikings fan, and Vikings fans should have nightmares every night), because while you were sleeping the government was handing more of your money over to Wall St.

The Fed decided to "invest" $20 billion more in Citigroup late Sunday night without as much as a question, a plan or a peek at their breasts.

The government is also planning to absorb about $300 billion in troubled assets that may or may not pan out to be anything.

The $20 billion "investment" is in addition to the $25 billion that Citigroup already got from the bailout package just last month.

CEO's from the Big Three really need to take notes from the banks, because Citigroup exec's didn't even have to fly in on a private jet to get the money...the government delivered it right to their front door like Domino's Pizza.

I wonder what will happen while I sleep tonight?

Guess who won't be foreclosed on this Christmas? EVERYONE

It's a Christmas miracle! Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have heroically suspended their campaigns (of foreclosing on everyone's houses) for the holidays. From November 26 (the day before Thanksgiving) until January 9 (the day after the BCS National Championship Game) the former mortgage titans will take a time out from foreclosures and evictions.

What does this mean long term? Not much! All they're doing is putting off the inevitable, and by the time we actually have a new president, everyone will go back to being homeless again.

The companies plan to reduce interest rates for up to five years and lengthen repayment terms to as much as 40 years to trim monthly payments to roughly 38 percent of a homeowner’s monthly pretax salary. In some cases, borrowers may qualify to temporarily reduce the principal amount of the loan, which would be due without interest if the house is sold or refinanced.

“The Hope Now program is not going to be enough. It’s an incremental step,” said housing advocate John Taylor, president and chief executive officer of the National Community Reinvestment Coalition in Washington. “Obviously, we’re pleased that they’re doing this, but absent a substantive foreclosure program, I wonder if this is this just another problem they’re leaving for the Obama administration.”

But still, Christmas. It's saved now.

Are You Kidding Me?

What is there to debate?

Now they get a conscience.

The "Big Three" helped build this nation by providing millions of jobs and creating the primary form of transportation for the country.

Now that the industry is on the ropes, it is actually finding trouble getting a lifeline from Congress.

Executives from the nations' big automakers are on Capitol Hill this week begging Congress for a $25 to $50 billion piece of the $700 billion pie slated for the financial sector.

The surprise is that after cutting that big check to bailout the banks without even a plausible explanation, Congress is refusing to bailout automakers.

So let me get this straight...Congress had little problem handing Henry Paulson up to $700 billion that he's already admitted he didn't know how to spend (just last week Paulson told Congress that he plans to shift rescue plan funds to loan consumers money because the initial plan isn't working), but they're having trouble handing a fraction of that money to an industry that is the lifeblood of many middle-class Midwestern communities?

Seriously? Is this some kind of joke?

Does Congress really want to put at least 1 million more people on the unemployment line while Wall Street fatcats skate out of the backdoor with minor injuries?

Can we just start 2009 now?

Next Stop on the Bailout Express: Detroit.

Bend over America, this will only hurt a little bit.

After The Big Three (even Toyota) posted horrid third quarter numbers, the auto industry has decided to put their bid in on the Government Gold Rush.

Auto executives have been on Capitol Hill for the past week or so telling every politician who will listen that they need a piece of the bailout slated for the financial industry.

And guess what? They're paying attention.

As most economists predicted, it was only a matter of time before other industries in trouble turned to the government based on the precedent set by the bailout.

Its like having a bag of candy around a group of kids...if you give one kid some, you have to give all of the kids some because they'll get on your nerves until they get their share.

Just like the finance industry, automakers' problems begin with themselves. For decades they pushed out gas-guzzling SUV's and trucks and dragged their feet on development of more efficent cars. When gas prices went sky high and the economy went into the tank, automakers couldn't give away a SUV and they couldn't meet the demand for the cars that people did want.

For the third quarter of 2008, GM's sales were dow 45 percent from a year earlier. Meanwhile Ford was down 32 percent, rock-steady Toyota posted a 23 percent decline and Daimler AG and American Honda were down more than 24 percent.

GM barely has enough money to keep the lights on until the ball drops on New Year's Eve.

In my opinon, if a bailout had to happen the auto industry should have been first. Those are the type of jobs that fuel the economy and spark growth, because those are the people who go out and buy houses and max out credit cards.

When a bank closes you might have a little more trouble getting a car loan or you might have to drive a little further to get to an ATM, but an auto plant closure can kill a city.

Now that the auto industry is asking for a bailout though, its only a matter of time before the airline industry comes next with it's hand out.

Have fun running the country Obama.

So Much for the "Rescue Plan."

One business day after the passage of the "rescue plan" (which is now up to a possible $850 billion after Congress added some tax breaks) by the House that was supposed to restore confidence in the financial industry, The Dow Jones Average is nose diving by the second (down 728 points as I type this).

This is only one week after the 777 point drop after the plan failed the first time.

The Dow Jones Average is all but guaranteed to close under 10,000 points for the first time since 2004, and foreign markets are tumbling as people scramble to pull their money out of banks and investments before it's all gone.

What does this mean to you?

Mike Spector of the Wall Street Journal reported in the Baltimore Sun that only 64 percent of car loan applications were being approved.

According to the article, even people with near-perfect credit and 20 percent down-payments are having trouble getting loans.

I think the government needs to find out what the interest rate is on some sense... but it probably couldn't afford the payments anyway.

Congress Be Helpin

They Happy!


The House Of Representatives bowed to mounting pressure from the President and the Senate to pass the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 (aka the Bailout, aka the "rescue plan," aka Operation Hookup).

The New York Stock Exchange is already reacting positively to the news, going up about 100 points since the announcement.

The final vote was 263-171...its amazing what a small change in words can do.

The FDIC Assbets with Your Money

There is nothing in there people.


Assbet: When a person engaged in a 'hood dice game places bets with money he or she doesn't have...if discovered, this usually results in a beating.

As you already know, the Senate passed a modified version of the "rescue plan" (the new terminology that's been introduced after the public got outraged about the bailout) that included a raise in the deposit amount the FDIC would insure from $100,000 to $250,000.

Sounds great right? If you're balling like that, you can consolidate a few accounts and have more of your money protected against a bank failure, banks have a little more money on hand, everybody's happy.

But Eric Dash of the New York Times reported something you may not know about the FDIC.

Dash wrote that the FDIC only has $45.2 billion in its fund...to insure $4.5 TRILLION in deposits. Now i'm not that good at math, but even I know that doesn't remotely add up.

Why is this fund so small? According to Dash, the FDIC decided to waive the insurance premiums for banks between 1996 and 2006 when the economy was booming.

Apparently the people who are paid to be paranoid said "Eh, nothing's going to happen, money is raining from the sky like manna, you don't have to pay for insurance."

Now the FDIC plans to try to collect these premiums to generate the money it would need to cover the $150,000 increase if it is passed....from banks that are praying from the "rescue plan" to survive.

Somebody is in line for a beating.

Bailout bill to rise from the ashes in the Senate today

Pictured: The Bailout Bill (top, above Colossus)

Monday the House defeated the initial bailout bill, but it has since been slightly revised and will be voted on in the Senate later today. Also, Barack Obama, John McCain and Joe Biden have all SUSPENDED THEIR CAMPAIGNS to go to Washington to vote on it today. Or they didn't, because that would be a pointless stunt. Biden still plans on showing up to debate Sarah Palin tomorrow night, because he's not putting Country First.

So how is this bill different from Monday's failed legislation? Let ABC News tell it.

The new Senate version of the bailout was sweetened Tuesday night by additions that would allow the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. to raise the amount of bank deposits it insures from $100,000 to $250,000, a move expected to help small businesses.

The Senate bill also includes tax breaks for businesses and the middle class, something the Senate has been trying to pass for the past several years and which the House has rejected because the Senate does not include corresponding cuts to make up the difference in the budget.

So we got the FDIC cap raised (something both candidates said they favored yesterday) and some additional tax breaks. This is supposedly to get more Republican support for the bill, even if it loses some Democratic support. It's expected to pass, but that's what they said on Monday. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me, . . . can't get fooled again.

PSA: The $700 Billion Bailout Wasn't $700 Billion

You Will Never Get This! (c) Borat

By now you've all heard that the $700 billion bailout plan was defeated at the House yesterday.

But what you probably don't know is that the bailout was similar to a football contract in that the guaranteed amount was entirely different than the alleged value of the entire contract.

For example, when Nate Clements from the San Fransisco 49ers signed an $80 million deal in 2007, it was repeated ad nauseum because $80 million sounds fantastic. But in reality, he's only going to make about $22 million because the most of the money in the contract was back-loaded on years that he's never going to get paid for.

Same thing with the "$700 billion bailout."

This is a key tidbit from an article by Kevin Hall talking about the basic details of the bailout:

Q.Is Congress writing a $700 billion check to Wall Street?

A. No. The money will be disbursed in installments. The Treasury will get $250 billion to immediately begin buying the bad assets. Another $100 billion can be obtained with a report to Congress on the need for it, and the remaining $350 billion will be released only upon congressional action.

So the $700 Billion bailout was really only $250 billion with options for the rest (still a big number, but not $700 billion).

Cue the Music:

Bill that will singlehandedly save economy not passing

You remember that great compromise plan for the bailout that would save our economy and was the result of John McCain heroically suspending his campaign and had enough things in it to satisfy both Democrats who didn't want to reward billionaires for their own idiocy and Republicans who didn't want to see large segments of private business come under government control? It just got defeated in the House. Just now. It's on all the cable news outlets.

The bill, which would have given possibly as much as $700 billion to the Treasury and had the backing of President Bush, will now likely have to be reworked in order to pass the House. It was defeated 227-206, with 218 votes needed to pass. Among Democrats, 141 voted for the bill, with 94 opposed. 133 House Republicans voted against it, with 65 voting for.

Meanwhile, the Dow is down like 500 points since the vote became official. So that happened.

(ed. note: The Dow dropped 777 points yesterday after the vote became official, the biggest drop in the history of the market.)